I miss you

Today, you would have been 64 years old. ooohhhhhh how i wished i had been able to celebrate all of your birthdays..in your 40's and even your golden age of 50...and buy you a cake, even if it was just a small cupcake with one candle...and singing you 'happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to mama...happy birthday to you' ...and you would blow the candle...fhuuuhhhh

Sometimes...maybe all the times, when the thought of you came flashing through my mind, i will always let my mind dream away of how we could have that mother-daughter get-together, doing things that i envy seeing other ladies or women have with their mothers...going shopping, arguing, giggling, laughing, picnicing and many more...like how i am missing the moments of you teaching and guiding me all the things that mothers would usually do, to have you listen to my woes and frustrations as i grew up, to love me, to confide in you whenever i need you...and most of all, craving for a mother's love i never knew...how i long for your presence in my life...it's hard for me to express!

I never get to know your smile, laughter, favorite food, your style of cooking, colours, hobbies, how you would dressed up or even your tantrums and principles of life...

If only i could let you know that your three little babies have grown up...all of us have our own families..you have a son and two daughters in-laws...and you have four grandchildren! You first grandchild is Kimchi...my one and only princess. If you were here, i am sure you would be a doting grandma...protecting your grandchildren from their parents...buying them gifts, going holidays with them, pamper them with all your love, care and hugs....but they never get to have or feel that...to know who you are or how life would have been with you around us.

But no matter how i felt or keep on yearning for you...you will never come back and i know you are in a peaceful place. Allah The Most Beneficient knows best... when you left us to 'defend for ourselves' thirty-eight years ago on 20th January 1970. A date i will always remember...

A song by Adibah Noor - 'Kau Yang Teristemewa' will always bring tears to my eyes...at times breaking down silently...listening to this part of the lyrics '..tak tertanggung rasa rindu mendengar suara mu...' You will always be in my heart..in my memory...Happy Birthday Mama...i will always miss you.

Al-Fatehah...Amin.